Hello World! If you are not drunk, puking your guts out and reading this on St. Patrick’s Day… Thank You and please hydrate and eat something before you do.
My St. Patrick’s Day was pretty uneventful. I decided to not celebrate this year. Three reasons:
1) Too exhausted to party hard, I have been pretty occupied with work, the last few weeks. You don’t party St. Patty’s Day without doing it hard, just like playing Super Mario Brothers 3 or wearing a tuxedo t-shirt to a formal party cause you are here to be formal and party.
2) With my trip to Miami in a few weeks and given my workload and social commitments, the next few weeks…Today was the only day to shop for clothes for the trip. So I went to the Woodbury Outlets, upstate today. I pretty much got all my stuff at J. Crew and as always when you go to Outlets… got more stuff at other places than I needed cause of the cheap prices. Got sneakers and training stuff at the Nike Factory, new Disney Mugs at The Disney Store, Shoes…
3) While I was able to follow March Madness during the tough workdays of Thursday and Friday via occasionally peeking at my iPad between work. I never got to really see any of the games other than Lehigh upsetting Duke! Which was (pardon my french) FUCKING AWESOME! I wanted to see some games today on my couch afterward.
Though I celebrated in spirit and rocked my brand new Brewers jersey. Which is essentially celebrating Beer, which is a part of St. Patrick’s Day, well that and watching the movie “Leprechaun in da Hood” a few times.
I left first thing in the morning and got on the road. My parents who needed to get clothes tagged along also. Road Trip!
We hit a rocky beginning on the road trip. My dad who was driving refused to let me play the Road Trip Mix I burned. Apparently he and my mom doesn’t appreciate the lyrical poetry of Ludacris telling someone to “Get back motherfucker you don’t know me like that” and that “Kurt Co-something whatever that guy who committed suicide was and that band’s lyrics I can’t understand”… Which sucks because I wasted valuable mix-burning time on it adding those songs and some Metallica, NWA and some Swedish Death Metal music thinking my parents would appreciate it:-(
We drive, I am pretty intensely focused on my iPad reading my current book, “Don’t Put Me in Coach”. Which is a “fucking boss” book by Mark Titus.
Mark Titus was a walk-on player for the Ohio State Buckeyes team and started a blog based on his awesome shenanigans as a Walk-On called “Club Trillion” based on the fact he filled his stats with 12 0’s meaning he was irrelevant during the games and yet was part of the team during Final Four reuns. He lived the dream. I would give my Cassette collection including Boyz II Men’s “II” and Rick Astley’s “Whenever You Need Somebody” to be him on the North Carolina Tar Heels and pull pranks on All-American Tyler Hansborough and his amazing crewcut.
As I read and my parents are talking about whether “Lady Gaga will have little kid gaga’s and Whether Christina Aguilera ate Britney Spears whole because of her weight gain”. I begin to think to myself, If I had my own national holiday where people celebrated yearly other than my birthday…
How would I want people to celebrate “St. Vinnie’s Day”.
First for St. Vinnie’s Day to exist, it’s needs a cool badass history. For example, St. Patrick banished all the snakes from Ireland. He went all Irish and white Sam Jackson and said “I WANT THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES OFF MOTHERFUCKING IRELAND!” waving his green shillelagh like a lighsaber and they all left while drinking his 6th Pint of Guinness.
St. Vinnie’s Day starts when Vinnie banishes all the pretentious douchebags off Earth and exile’s them in the designated Douchebag planet, we call Uranus while waving a badass blue lightsaber while downing a pint of Blue Moon and eating a bag of Fritos.
Now people on St. Patrick’s Day, celebrate this day by wearing green getting drunk, watching atleast 1 Daniel Day Lewis movie being re-aired on the USA Network, eating corned beef, drunken mangled singing of House of Pain’s “Jump Around” and puking everything out while doing an irish jig.
On St. Vinnie’s Day, people will celebrate my day by wearing their favorite graphic t-shirt depicting any favorite object of pop culture or sports they like whether it is Beavis and Butthead or Beastie Boys or NY Yankees or Chuck Norris on a Unicorn without being a pretentious Hipster douche.
People will still get drunk but they will also play endless battle’s of “Beer Hockey” which involves an Air Hockey table, the two participants who are to be inebriated and near drunk blindfolded playing Air Hockey. When someone scores, the loser has down a cup of beer and the game goes to 7 and you have to win by 2.
All the cable channels will air marathon of all The Muppet Movies, Original 90210 episodes before they went to college and they tried to make Zuckerman somewhat hot by having her get a way out of her league Latino boyfriend (why couldn’t us Latino’s on 90210 hook-up with Kelly or Valerie or Brenda… We got ugly Andrea Zuckerman and freaking Donna..WTF…Racism!), Damon Wayans movies (especially Major Payne), and MTV re-airs every music video pre-1993 with the exception of a hand selected few I choose.
Instead of Corned Beef Cabbage, Irish Nachos (Like Nachos! But with Fries instead of Tortilla Chips!) and Irish Soda Bread. The delicacies of St. Vinnie’s Day involves Pancakes, Grilled Cheese, Cherry Coke and Rum (which is amazing if you ever tried it), and Garlic Bread!
The official anthem of St. Vinnie’s Day will be Kriss Kross’s “Jump Jump” and everyone has do the dance in the Video with their clothes on backwards.
The secondary anthem will be Kid n’ Play’s epic soundtrack cover for the best “House Party” movie in the epic “House Party Quadrilogy” called (though the 3rd and 4th movies imploded after “House Party 2: Pajama Jammy Jam” peaked similar to “Godfather II”), “Aint Gonna Hurt Nobody” but everyone dances in their pajamas like the key party scene in “House Party II” when Kid realizes his student advisor friend like the douche he was, stole his cash for College and tried to steal Tisha Campbell from him and confronts him while dancing and rapping during the party.
The end of the day instead of singing sad Irish limericks or whatever they are called… We all would drunkenly sing Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” together to remember the amazing Season 1 finale of “Dawson’s Creek” when Dawson and Joey (Katie Holmes will never be as hot as she was then) kiss. I agree with Jay, Dawson should’ve drowned Pacey in his creek for stealing Joey from him.
One last question, Who’s the mascot of St. Vinnie’s Day”?… “Goob” of course (if you haven’t read my blog…google that shit!)
Ahhh St. Vinnie’s Day… Maybe it will happen.
I took notes and went back to listening to my mix on my iPad as I finished reading on the road.
To summarize the end of day… I bought a shitload of clothes, shoes, etc. I ate amazing Chinatown Chinese Food, I am watching March Madness and still thinking of St. Vinnie’s Day… It can happen!, you never know!
-V. for Vinnie