In about 1 month, 4 days and 1 hour. I will be 29 years old on April 9th. I am starting to be afraid of that thought. I feel like I really haven’t accomplished everything I set out to do with my life and that is a ticking clock in my mind to make some kind of progress with myself.
I feel older yet I don’t really look it or to be honest with myself that I don’t really act older. I don’t think it’s immaturity, I am pretty responsible person in spite of how I act. It’s more emotional. I still at times feel like that teenaged version of me: The kid with the social problems, uncertainty of what the future was going to bring me and if people really believed in me.
Also my birthdays recently always are reeked in bad luck. Something always happens that day. I know it’s probably the anxiety of the day and it’s probably all in my head that my birthday is “unlucky” but it just feels like that. No matter what I had planned or was hoping to do, it feels like something beyond my control always happens. I don’t really think I have had that “big birthday party” I have always wanted in a long time. I can just never nail down people’s schedules.
Another aspect of being older means everyone around you is older including your loved ones. My parents are older, my dad’s is currently dealing with health problems stemming from his rheumatoid arthritis. I lost my Uncle to Leukemia and other relatives. A lot of my friends are older and at different phases of their life whether married, have kids or doing something different in their lives.
It can be mentally draining to think of all that. I think that’s part of the reason why I want to take a vacation during my birthday, this year.
I’ll probably be a nervous wreck around that time around my birthday. A vacation is the probably what I need to relax and have a distraction. I also need a recharge of my battery, I am getting in that area of burning out/exhaustion at this point.
For vacations, I decided on Miami. I was considering Portland and Seattle, as well BUT considering my vacation to San Francisco, last summer. I need to go to a hotter/tropical place, this time and just relax with an alcoholic beverage, a pair of sunglasses and no worries.
Another good reason why I picked Miami. I have friends already there who I haven’t seen in a while and my best friend Liz is from there so I know she will hook me up with the advice and the places to go. I can also go to the brand spanking new ballpark, Marlins Park which has a retractable roof and even see the likely #1 seed in the NBA, The Miami with that douchebag LeBron, Dwayne Wade and the ugly Predator looking dude play at American Airlines Center. One more thing, I can also indulge my foodie cravings also in Miami!
In terms of my birthday party, I am still debating what I am going to do. Part of me is debating doing like a sports-themed party like having my friends all hang out at a Sports Bar and everyone has to wear atleast one “sports-oriented” thing. That would be fun.
Things I hope for the days leading up to my birthday: My mind at ease, more confidence in myself, my parents having good birthdays (my dad’s is March 28th, and my mom’s is April 4th), hoping no effects my birthday this year (I really hope I nailed the timing right this year for my planned party) and most importantly, feeling like getting older doesn’t really mean “less time” and that it in fact means “more time”.
-V. for Vinnie