In terms of Love, I think I am cursed. Seriously, I really think I am cursed when it comes to “Love”.
My entire life in terms of Love has always had moments that which ended in Heartache whether it was falling for someone who didn’t feel the same way about me or meeting someone you really liked only to find out she was seeing someone else or knowing someone felt something for you and for some reason she never wanted to admit it or just never meeting the right girl after many dates or having strong feelings for someone but can’t tell the person because of certain circumstances.
It’s been more and more painful for me recently. I am only getting older and yet I sitll haven’t been in any meaningful relationship and I just feel like I am always going to be “Ducky” for the rest of my life. The caring guy who’s a great person but just doesn’t have “that quality” that convices her, “maybe Vinnie is the one”.
It’s never happened for me ever. I feel like the Washington Generals in terms of looking for love. Washington Generals are the team that always loses to the Harlem Globetrotters.
I know my Asperger’s, lack of confidence and overall awkwardness is probably what has been the reason why a girl hasn’t felt that way about me. Doesn’t help I am not particular attractive nor have the charismatic personality to compensate for that with anyone.
I wish before a girl made that judgement about me, they really go to know me more other than. Know the type of person I am, how loyal and protective I am, how I can offer someone a lot and am a willing listener. Someone you can trust. Someone who would be faithful and devoted as long as you felt the same way.
Though that is easier said then done. You can’t make anyone love you if they don’t feel the same way about you. There is no way around that and I am not the type of person who wants to be in a relationshsip that has no love… I have done that before, and hated it. I want the real thing now. I want it a lot.
Valentine’s Day is in 2 days. I’ll probably spend it at home with some takeout food watching TV again.
Now I can keep blogging and lamenting about it or I can do something about it, hopefully once and for all!
Which is why I am making it a personal goal for myself to by Valentine’s Day 2013 to not be alone anymore. I will look for that girl everywhere… I’ll improve my appearance and try to be more confident. I would be lying if a part of me still hopes “Dutch” is that girl though she probably is not.
I have 367 days to get it right and hopefully get it right once and for all. Next year, I am gonna turn the tables once and for all. As always, I won’t give up til I get it. Hopefully I can meet her. I am waiting.
-V. for Vinnie