What I Miss: Fun Movies

Greatest Fun Movie Ever!

Is it me or lately haven’t Movies sucked recently? I haven’t looked forward for a movie since seeing “Mission Impossible IV: Ghost Protocol” and for someone who loves going to the movies that is saying something! Now, I have enjoyed recent “Oscar Bait” movies which can be insightful, and interesting but those are never really “fun” to see. I miss “Fun Movies”. Whatever happened to movies that were simply “Fun to see”

It’s like Studios are so focused on “CGI Animation/3D”, “Event Pictures”, “Things that will win Oscars”, “Movies that make you cry”, “Gimmick Movies, and “Sequels” they completely forget to make a “Fun Movie”.

Occasionally they will churn out a “Fun Movie” like “The Hangover” or “Horrible Bosses” or “Fast Five” but those are too far and between and eventually lose their “luster” with studios intent on making sequels saturating those movies, just to make a quick buck.

“Fun Movies” are the types of Movies, where you just “check your brain” at the Movie Theater Box Office as you paid for your overpriced ticket, stale popcorn and flat cherry coke and just have a good time watching movie laughing and feeling riveted with your friends.

Sometimes they are critically revered, though most of times, critics usually hate them.

My own personal critique of Film Critics is they are too narrow, subjective and completely overanalyze films (seriously, who gives a fuck if John Travolta cannot really fire two pistols in the air… it’s a movie! It’s supposed to be fucking cool! seriously! Suspension of Disbelief! Douche!), caring too much about “style and substance” of a film instead of the simple idea of “Was I entertained at the end of the movie”.

Some of my favorite movies of all-time at the end of the day were not “critical darlings” and cannot be mistaken for movies that are nominated by Oscars.

Movies that had insane action scenes involving skydiving bank robbers! Movies that had tons and tons and tons of potty humor! Movies that are so ridiculous that you cannot help but laugh your ass off!

They are the movies, you can randomly see as you flip the channels on HBO, Showtime, FX, USA, Netflix… and just get lost in for a few hours.

Here are 5 examples of the “Fun Movies” I loved:

5) “Major Payne” (Damon Wayans): Major Payne is if you take “Dead Poets Society”, add “Full Metal Jacket” and put it into “Kindergarten Cop”!

Major Payne is the story of Major Payne, a comical killing machine serving under the US Marines. When his superiors cannot find any more “killing work” for him, he gets a gig as a Commanding Officer for a JROTC at a troubled young boys school. Major Payne pretty much drives the kids insane with his hardass teaching style. The kids are devoted to getting him kicked out for good with hilarious pranks that backfire including making him look like a “Sex Predator” dy dressing a kid in drag and taking photos of him with Payne as he sleeps until Major Payne grows a heart and comes to an understanding with the kids or as he calls them “Turds”

This was at the height of when Damon Wayans became the the “It Comedian Movie Lead” right after Eddie Murphy peaked with “Coming to America” and before his “In Living Color” castmate Jim Carrey talked out of his ass and made us laugh in many a movie. This and ” The Last Boy Scout”, were his best movies that display his comedic genius and underrated Improv skills.

IMDB Page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110443/

4) “Commando” (Arnold Schwarzenegger): Lost in the badass brilliance of “The Terminator”, “Predator” and “Twins” (he lifts a car! shtups Kelly Preston and tried broad comedy!) was to me Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best movie ever!

Yes, ever! “Commando” is the best example of a “A Movie that is so horrible yet so amazingly Good” because of the weight carried by Schwarzenegger’s presence, the hysterical overacting of the Villain in the movie, and some of the cheesiest action scenes/effects you will ever see in Cinema. Also the Music Score which has Calypso music!

“Commando” tells the badass story of former Army Commando, John Matrix (Schwarzenegger) who you can tell by the awesome name is not to be fucked with! He is living a retired life with his young daughter Jenny (10 year old Alyssa Milano who is still smoking hot!) or as he pronounces “Chenny” no longer snapping necks but eating ice cream, calling Boy George “Girl George” and feeding little deer.

His retirement is shortlived when his former unit is all killed and his daughter is taken captive by a Dictator he took down and a manical, cackling former soldier in his unit with a grudge named “Bennett”. “Bennett” makes Nicolas Cage look understated. He is a former Special Op who looks like a big fatass and he wears a chainmail vest that looks like he stole it from Freddie Mercury’s closet who gets orgasmic at the thought of sticking a knife in someone.

Matrix is determined to rescue his “Chenny”, kill all his enemies by himself (he literally kills an entire army of morons by himself) and drop one-liners like “I eat green berets for breakfast and right now I am very hungry”. Whenever anyone asks me what was my favorite “Arnold” movie was… I will always say “Commando”.

IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088944/

3) Billy Madison (Adam Sandler): I am really hoping Eddie Murphy can go back to the R-Rated Comedy we all loved the most from the days of “Trading Places” and “Beverly Hills Cop”

I am also hoping Adam Sandler can back to the insane underdog comedies that made him a “God” amongst us adults and no don’t even go there with “Jack and Jill” or “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan”!

Comedies like Happy Gilmore or Waterboy. I always felt the disaster of “Little Nicky” (which in my opinion was really funny) and being a father curbed his comedic sensibility to me (similar to Eddie Murphy, as well) and turned to Family Comedies because those are the movies “there kids would see”. Shit, even Jim Carrey went for the same trap as well when I think about it!

Billy Madison tells the story of Hotels heir, Billy Madison is a “Manchild”. A grown-up who never grew up. All he does is get drunk, see magical giant penguins and slack off his dad’s millions. When his father decides to leave his empire to another employee who is a complete and utter douche (before the term “douche” was created), Billy decides to prove to his dad he can oversee the empire when he passes and to prove it, he will “re-do” his education from Kindergarten to High School to prove his dad, he is not an idiot.

This movie is so insane, I really doubt Sandler and his friends were NOT high making it from the “Giant Penguins” to the random musical number to Billy’s inspiring answer during a Academic Decathlon which ends up being the most retarded answer ever.

IMDB Page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112508/

2) Point Break (Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves): Without “Point Break”, The “Fast and Furious” franchise would not exist! That is a fact, it’s practically the same movie, just replace Surfing Bank Robbers with Street Racing Hijackers. The ending is identical!

“Point Break” tells the story of rookie FBI Agent, Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) who was a great QB for Ohio State (Possibly the only football player I ever liked from that school and he aint even real!) recruited by his badass and insane veteran partner (insane and badass Gary Busey) to go undercover to infiltrate the LA Surfing Culture to find a group of Surfers committing high-stakes dangerous bank robberies in order to finance their surfing excursions.

Utah gets engulfed in the culture via his new found friendship in Bodhi (Patrick Swayze), a Philosophical Surfer who can throwdown at moments notice and a surfer chick (Lori Petty, who disappeared off the map after she peaked in “A League of their Own”). Utah eventually deduces (not really, it’s Keanu!) that the surfing pack led by Bodhi are the bank robbers (not a big shock…).

The action scenes are hard-boiled intense, the surfing scenes are great, the script is so bad it’s good! Their are many iconic scenes in the movie that have been satirized and is beloved by many that they even did a “Off-Broadway Musical” about it! This filmed was directed by Kathryn Bigelow (a female who is freaking hot for a lady in her 60’s) who would eventually win “Best Director” Oscar for “The Hurt Locker” over her ex-husband director James Cameron who even contributed to the movie with an uncredited re-write.

IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102685/

1) “Road House” (Patrick Swayze): Patrick Swayze is the King of the Fun Movie. With the mentioned “Point Break”, “Red Dawn (WOLVERINES!), and “Dirty Dancing” (NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER!), the late Mr. Swayze was a god amongst men in the “Fun Movie” department.

“Road House” is the timeless tale of “Dalton” (Swayze), The Greatest “Cooler” in the Nightclub Business! Coolers are  above “Bouncers” in the sense they have unparalleled martial arts ability, majored in Philosophy in College, carry their own Medical Records (Which is fucking badass!),  and can rock a mean black turtleneck and a pompadour haircut.

“Dalton” is hired to “Cool” the “Double Deuce” (or as a character later calls it “The Double Douche”) which is in Jasper, Missouri, a lawless midwestern town ruled by evil land developer named Brad Wesley, you know he is evil cause he brought JC Penney’s with him and drives the roads carelessly singing Doo Wop songs and make things better at the night club.

“Dalton” immediately cleans up “The Double Deuce” which takes like 20-30 movie minutes and stands up to Wesley and his gang of goons including a really fat dude, a guy with a knife in his boot, and their leader, the maniacal cackling “Jimmy” who is part Native-American, Part-Asshole who by his own admission in the movie “f**ked dudes in prison”

With his merry group of Bouncers (including a fat guy with a perm mullet), his mentor, “Wade Garrett” (a badass Sam Eilliot) and a insanely hot doctor (Kelly Lynch) he takes down Wesley and saves Jasper from the development of a Abercrombie and Fitch, one throat ripping at a time.

Because of this movie I know how to rip a man’s throat off, “the three rules of Cooling”, and that “Pain Don’t Hurt”.

IMDB Page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098206/

 

 

I hope you all give these movies a shot, if you haven’t! Trust me, you will have fun seeing them 🙂

-V. for Vinnie

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