As mentioned, I am going through a tough inner struggle with my feelings for someone I have pretty much fallen for recently. I am madly in love with her but I can’t tell her how I really feel because of several reasons:
1) This girl is special to me. Really special to me. I’ve had my heartbroken in the past by other girls including recently but no one like this girl. I’ve really never really felt this way about someone in my life. I feel this one would be hard to overcome, if she says no.
2) It will ruin our current friendship, which is very meaningful to me. I don’t want to tell her how I feel and find out she doesn’t return those feelings for me and risking the friendship we have especially since we became friends recently. I care about her. It also affects my friendship with two really good friends who I care about also.
3) A mistake I made in front of this girl, a few months back. I really, really fucked up in front of her and someone else I know. She was never mad at me though she should have been. In fact, she actually provided me comfort and consoled me. She never judged me for what happend that night but I don’t feel given what had happened that night I can tell her.
4) I just don’t have the confidence in myself, even if I got passed reasons 1,2, and 3 to even try to tell her how I feel about her. I am scared. Scared to be vulnerable to someone. Scared to be myself. Scared, she says no… Scared, she says yes.
As I mentioned in my previous blogs about her. She’s amazing. She’s beautiful, caring, smart, funny, worldly, adventurous, wonderful eyes, smile etc. She’s magic. She is the moment when you look up in the sky as a young kid and finally see the stars before your eyes. She’s what happens when the hopeless romantic dreams for the girl.
I am completely smitten by her and would pretty much jump at a moment’s notice to do anything for her but not that she asks.
There’s also a sense of this fragility in her. Others including myself notice. She’s someone you want to protect.
She deserves everything, she gets in life and more. She deserves someone who can give her everything. The guy who can make her dreams come true and make her feel as special as she is. She really does need a prince. I get so angry with guys who dismiss her, don’t they realize how amazing this girl is? You’re passing up the winning lottery ticket. You’re missing “the girl”
The only thing with me is I am not a prince, never will be. I am the guy who can give everything he has to try to makE her dreams come true. That’s all I can offer to her or to any girl I have feelings for. Sometimes that though admirable in someone is never enough. I want to be a prince, but I just can’t be. That’s my fate and I don’t have a way out of that.
I can wait, but the thing is about waiting for stars. You might miss your chance and someone else, worthy or not may get it. I really don’t know what to do.. All I know to do is just keep looking up and hoping a star falls, my way.
-V. or Vinnie