Christmas is coming up very, very soon!
In about 10 days, I will be opening presents, drinking eggnog, wearing some weird ironic Christmas t-shirt like the Grinch stealing a dreidel or something like that, hoping my loving Grandmother with the hearing problem (she’s in denial about such a problem) doesn’t yell as I am watching the Christmas NBA games with my dad and brother while my mother and aunt cooks dinner while my uncles and cousins watch some horror film on blu-ray in another room.
I kinda know what presents I am getting especially my new Studio HD Beats Headphones! Cause I am a cool music listening mofo and I am trendy and shit!
While I know what I am getting. I felt it wouldn’t hurt to think to come up with my ultimate Christmas Wish, as expected it’s a long-winded one like those dumb Hobbit movies about walking to throw a ring down a volcano:
I wish to feel “free” in my life.
I don’t want to live my life anymore in fear, guilt or regret that feel like a major burden on me. I am tired of living in the past anymore and feeling like things or myself can’t change for the better. I don’t want to change completely, but I want to improve myself.
I want to feel like I am making a difference to people, especially those who I care about deeply. I never want to let anyone down especially for those who never let me down. I want to help enrich people’s lives. I wouldn’t be where I am now, because of those people who were there for me. I am a much better person now because of those people in my life especially my family. They keep me fighting everyday.
I want to tell the girl who I love, how I feel about her. I really am crazy about her. I wouldn’t be putting myself through the emotional wringer I am going through. I’ve lamented about how I felt about other girls but this girl is special to me. If you read my last blogpost, I am clearly head over heels for her. I just have to get over that wall of self-doubt I have in myself and just tell her how I feel and hope she will give me a chance to prove myself to her.
On that note, I want to take more risks in life. Some of the best decisions I ever made in my life when I really look back were risks that I have taken in my life whether it gambling on unsure opportunity and being in the best possible environment or just finding my voice and introducing myself to someone who became a good friend to me. I put so much more pressure on myself to not take a risk and always play it safe. I just want to say “fuck it” and just try something and letting the cards play out.
I just want to stop putting pressure on myself, overall. I always want people to like and respect me and try so hard to win people over when I don’t need to put any pressure on myself, at all. I am cool, funny, smart person who when I am not trying to be anyone else but me.
That’s what I want for Christmas, well that NY Rangers tickets, Barcelona winning the Champions League for a 2nd time in a row and the “Girl of my dreams”.
-V. for Vinnie