A couple of days ago, I talked about how “Self-Doubt” was my Ivan Drago and how I will keep fighting it through thick and thin.
Now I want to talk about my ultimate ally in this endless game of “Life”. The one thing I have that keeps “self-doubt” in check. The one things that keeps me ticking and keeps me fighting for what I want in my life for me and the people I care about the most.
My ally is “Heart”. No, not the awesome female rock band from the 70’s and 80’s that sang great rock records like “Barracuda” and “All I Want to Do is Make Love to You”.
By the way, the latter song is actually a real song! The lyrics are about a woman who can’t get pregnant with her husband, so she sleeps with some hitchhicker she meets on the road and has a one night stand with him to get pregnant and then the dude sees her with her husband and child… Holy Shit!
But I digress, back to why “Heart” is my ally.
I put my “Heart” into everything and everyone, whether it is big or small. in victory or a losing effort.
When I am at my worst, my “Heart” is the weapon that gets me out of that hole because no matter how unlucky or horrible I feel at that moment, I will not stop fighting for what I want for me and others.
I lose sometimes in life but that does not mean it’s over, I just have to pick myself up, clean up and just keep trying again and again until I get it right.
I didn’t give up and cave in when I was younger and the school guidance counselor told me I was different and I had developmental problems when I was a child and that I needed to possibly go to a special school for people like me?
My parents and I fought for me to have a normal life and not use what I had as a crutch to settle for less than what I wanted from life because I had a few problems.
We all have problems in one form or another. Jay-Z has 99 problems though Beyonce’s fine ass aint one, doesn’t mean you allow those problems to stop you from living your life.
I don’t just give up on me, I don’t give up for others especially those I really care about even in those tough times even if there are times I might be angry or mad at them. I am really not the type that holds grudges unless someone tried to take advantage of my trust or if such a person is unapologetic. It would take something really awful for me to not want you in my life.
There were times when people needed me and I always stepped up for them especially when they are at their worst because I know the feeling. If I didn’t have those people who were there for me, I wouldn’t be “me”.
I know people have told me I am can be ” too soft”, but thats just the way I am wired. I have a big “Heart” and that’s not a bad thing for someone to have even if it could mean it’s a “weakness”. I rather that be my weakness than not have it.
When that time comes, when I pass away If there was one thing I hope people remember me for other than my love of food, random 90’s movie references, blogs (fingers crossed), love of Billy Ocean’s songs,etc. I hope people remember me for having a “Heart” and how it helped me beat “Self-Doubt”
-V for Vinnie