Before I delve deeper into my love of Football. I must say to Hurricane Irene, despite you did not really impact Brooklyn as bad as you did other areas on behalf of my friends who were in those areas, you really fucking suck!
Now back to the topic at hand!
5 Days til the official start of the Football Season when College Football begins on ESPN! To quote a Pointer Sister or two or three… “I’M SO EXCITED AND I JUST CAN’T HIDE IT!”. I’ve waited months and months for some official sanctioned football to be back in my life after watching the Green Bay Packers trounce the Pittsburgh Steelers thanks to Quarterback Aaron Rodgers pick apart the weak Steelers secondary like me at Outback with a Blooming Onion until the opponent or Blooming Onion was beaten or eatened.
It was kinda disappointing for the 2nd year in a row. my team, the NY Jets were came up short again losing to Pittsburgh in the AFC Title Game only needing one more stop to get a chance to win.
But finally a new Football season is here! A new chance for everyone’s Football team to either win the BCS Title (College Football) or Super Bowl (NFL) or Madden Bowl (nerdy kids playing football video games)
It’s kinda like those romantic comedies when the Prodigal Son Hero returns to his small hometown in the Midwest after living in the big city and he sees the one who got away, the beautiful girl who was Prom Queen that year in High School and she still looks the same and guess what, she’s single and maybe kinda interested in him!!! Cue 78 minutes of sheninanigans, hi-jinks, scenes with best friends trying to build up the guy’s confidence to ask her out, him competing against either the douchy jock or the douchy European hipster asshole in a battle of wills, and awkward moments when you’re about to tell the girl how you feel and uggggggghhhhhh! Something always happens.
Yet the hero continues on his journey for the girl like our Football teams do and we love them no matter how that journey ends though you would really love them more if they just kiss her or win the Super Bowl! Though to be honest, any romantic comedy when Ryan Reynolds has to struggle to win a girl’s heart is hard to believe. It’s fucking Ryan Reynolds! Dude has like a 12-pack, can be sexy with or without facial hair, funny, smart and good lucking. Yeah I believe you can’t the hot chick in the end.
I hope that giant paragraph analogy helps those non-Football fans why I love Football and how much I really can metaphorically live or die by it. When the Jets win whether big or small, clean or controversial I am in the best of moods beginning the week. My strut gets much more cooler like Tony Manero and my shit feels good!
When the Jets lose, close or blowout, fair and square or by some bullshit no-call when the opponents Left Tackle was clearly illegally using his hands on the blitzing 3-4 Outside Linebacker impeding him from ripping Tom Brady’s pretty little head off and winning the game (not bitter as you can see). I can be miserable pondering the loss like I was Rocky Balboa after seeing Ivan Drago kill Apollo Creed in the boxing ring to the beat of some 80’s synth rock band song during the week until the next game.
I have a lot of Football fan friends who feel the same way with the only differences being team colors unless that team has JaMarcus Russell at QB that those poor shmucks are shit out of luck, the whole season.
To those non-Football fans, JaMarcus Russell was a top draft pick for the Oakland Raiders around 5 years ago. JaMarcus had all the tools and abilities to be amongst the best at Quarterback (the most important position in Football) which made him an attractive candidate for a team in need of one. Except JaMarcus lacked two key assets a Pro Football Player must have even more than physical ability: a brain and a “motor” (meaning energy and effort). This guy was a Porsche with a Shitty Engine. A Greek God who couldn’t leave the couch and stop watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”… Lazy, bad practice habits cobbled with pure stupidity, arrests off the field, and not giving a fuck about the team and the fans. You can be the best at what you do but you can easily lose it all by not giving a fuck.
Football is a true battle of attrition and wills compared to other sports in which the stakes are the highest. You can get away in Baseball for striking out because you can make it up later in the 9 inning game. Basketball, you can get away from having a bad day shooting the ball by playing lockdown defense. Even Boxing, you can leave your chin open and take a hell of a haymaker and still recover.
In Football, you cannot make those same mistakes. Mis-read the play even for a slight second and you can give up a crippling touchdown. Stare down your Wide Reciever like he’s a lady in a tank top with nice boobs and the defense will be ready to intercept the ball and bring it in for a score crushing your team’s manhood. Football can be that thrilling once you learn the game.
Football can be that thrilling for people like me.
Football is also about the community of fans. Fans who love to boast their team’s superiorness in chat rooms and message boards. Fans who sacrifice the 2-ply toliet paper for the 1-ply toilet paper to get a Game Authentic Drew Brees Saints Jersey. Fans who will get wasted and lit early by their alma matters homecoming Football game and prepare for the monster hangover the next day by going to Zingerman’s for a really greasy sandwich. Fans who will grab some beers and engage other Football fans in pop culture conversations as our teams play at some Lower East Side Sports Bar.
For those of my friends or readers who are not into Football. Indulge me with 5 Reasons why to give it a chance:
1) An excuse to drink Beer and eat Hot Wings: Like anyone needed it but doesnt’ hurt. Just to order a plate of 8-12 hot buffalo wings and the blue cheese sauce plus you get to wash it down with a nice cold beer as you watch world class athletes battle it out. Heck, you can met fun interesting people and share your love of wings and Peyton Manning’s 1500th Sony commercial and would he really be friends with Justin Timberlake. If you are a Vegetarian or don’t like Buffalo Wings, there’s Mozzarella Sticks, Nachos, etc. 🙂
2) The Characters: Name me a sport where you have “Pretty Boy” QB’s who you either love or hate. A sport where a WR will change his name to match the numbers on his jersey. A sport where a head coach’s insane tirades can be relived in countless beer commercials that bring people joy. A sport where short guys who jobs only involve kicking are some of the hardest partying people who you will ever meet.
3) The Team Colors/Logos: Name a sport other than Football with prettier team logos, uniforms and apparel? If you’re someone into Marketing as opposed to Football, you have to admire how Football teams protect the integrity of their branding even when they try to update the jerseys and other aspects.
4) “Little Giants”: How can you not somewhat be into Football after this movie about a rag-tag pee wee football team with it’s most badass player being a girl that stars Rick Moranis and Al Bundy!
5) The Burger King: Ok, his initial commercial with him waking up next to a dude in a bed giving him a Crossan’wich in order to keep him quiet about the “Date Rape” was kinda creepy (At least that was my take of the commercial…see below)
But the Burger King was a helluva of Football players. I am in just in awe of his skills. See for yourself 🙂
Football starts in 5 Days…Let the awesomeness begin!
-V. for Vinnie