It’s been 119 days into the NFL Lockout. No Free Agency has happened. No Training Camp. No possibility of Hard Knocks on HBO after the amazing season with the New York Jets, not that I am biased or anything (yes I am a biased).
I keep hearing the talks are progressing and the Owners and Players Association are close to a new labor agreement, even one report saying it’s on “The 5 yard line” yet no labor freaking agreement! C’mon! How can you be so close and not finish the deal!
That’s like being at a bar and all of a sudden for no reason, Mila Kunis comes to you and hits on you, she gives you her number, her hotel room number and says “Vinnie take me, take me now” and for some reason you cannot come to terms Mila Kunis is hitting on you and you decide to go home and watch re-runs of “How I Met Your Mother” while eating Fritos, when you could be making sweet love to Mila effin Kunis!
Preseason Football is suppose to start in 2-3 weeks. Not that I am particularly fond of Preseason Football, it’s more of a warm-up to the NFL where Veterans get their sealegs while rookies and free agents fight for roster spots like if you had gotten a date with Mila Kunis in about a week and you want to prepare for it, so you date someone below Mila Kunis’s level of hotness to prepare you for Mila Kunis.
Preseason Football essentially is important because it unofficially starts the NFL season. It makes me giddy with anticipation like I am going to date Mila Kunis.
I start to look at all the NFL previews, prep my bets, join Fantasy Football Leagues with my friends with clever team names like “Cromartie’s Kids”, “Cooper Mannings”, “Romosexual Tendencies”, “My Vick in a Box”, and “Burrested Development”. I blow nearly $400 on new NFL apparel with NY Jets stuff (pre-ordered a Rex Ryan Bobblehead this year) and I like other teams apparel especially the Browns, Packers, Niners and Chargers (The Powder Blues) whose jerseys/colors I like. I take the Jets schedule and guestimate how many games they will win and lose
When the season starts, regardless of how my team does during the year I am ALL IN. ALL IN for NFL Football! I count the days til it’s Sunday longingly like I count the days til Mila Kunis’s next movie. I absorb tons of NFL knowledge via ESPN, ESPN.com, ESPN 8: The Ocho, Twitter, CBS/Fox Pregames, Team Blogs, NFL.com… (I am still saddened that Time Warner still won’t put on the NFL Network… that’s like Time Warner not airing anything with Mila Kunis in it). I facebook about it, talk trash to a lot of my friends who root for other teams especially them dang Colts, Redskins, Vikings and the fucking Patriots!
I am not pardoning my french for what I said about the Patriots. I hate them in the Football sense! Tom Brady, I don’t care if you are shtupping Gisele, have Super Bowls and look like a pretty, rugged hippie, you can kiss my black ass! (I am not black btw)
Sundays, I go to my sports bar, “Croxley Ales” on E.1st and Avenue B in Manhattan to watch the early games. I used to go and still do sometimes go to this other place in Greenpoint called “Red Star” which I also like but the group I hung out with the season before kinda split up . I am pretty much on my own, a lot of my nearby friends, mostly girls aren’t into watching Football, so I am a Lone Wolf and I am cool about that though I would love any company. I watch my games, chat up with some people at the bar, text/Facebook my trash talk to my friends, mock Peyton Manning’s Millionith Sony Commercial, drink $4 Yuenglings and eat some nachos/wings or burger or mozzarella sticks or etc.
I get home around 5pm to watch the 2nd half of games including Sunday Night Football, talking more trash and chilling because I have to go to work tomorrow.
Then on Mondays at work, I always love whenever I get a free moment to talk up what happened on Sunday with my friends at work, Mila Kunis’s hotness and about the game that will be played Monday Night. I then watch the game on Monday Night and then do the same thing the next day…
Then the Playoffs and Super Bowl happen because anything is possible! and I am going crazy especially if the Jets are in the playoffs. We’ve been so close the last 2 years, hopefully we make it and win this year!
I truly believe if the NFL even cancels 1 game of Regular Season: Myself, my friends, everyone, etc. will justifiably be pissed and we should be.
This is ridiculous, the NFL has not suffered during this recession, it’s actually went the other way because it’s providing the distractions we need in our lives, providing us that excitement we all need like Mila Kunis in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”
These are Billionaire Owners and Million Dollar Players playing a game of “Chicken” while Joe and Jane Schmo fans who don’t even make close to the players minimum are the ones who will really suffer if this Lockout persists.
The NFL season needs to happen, not one regular season game can be missed. Seriously NFL Owners and the Players Association. Don’t fuck this up. Millions of people including myself are depending on you guys to be ready on September 11th, 2012 for you to start the season. We Need You! Step up.
I close with this: Marry me Mila Kunis and Goodnight
-V. for Vinnie