I am at a time in my life where I have now become completely self-aware as a person. This blog is an extension of that new found understanding of myself. I have realized great things I never realized about myself but at the same time I have discovered things that I need to improve in order to achieve greater things in my life which I am striving to do.
A new test to that approach in life begins tomorrow, when I step up to the plate and get something I deserve.
As mentioned in previous earlier posts, I am “charisma deficient”, painfully shy even to some people who are really great people to me, a big “Softy” with people especially people I care about deeply, and there is something else I know I lack which ties into other things I just mentioned.
That thing I lack: “Killer Instinct”.
Now when I mean “Killer Instinct”. I don’t mean “kill anyone”. I also don’t mean betraying my family, friends or anyone in order to get ahead in life, those who know me know that’s not even a slightest thought in my mind or my heart.
I mean stepping up in the moment and taking “it”. Being confident, control the lingering thoughts in my mind and suppressing all the doubt that plagues my will in order to improve my life whether it is love, career, etc. Become that Basketball player who when his team is trailing in the 4th quarter, turns it on and carries his team to victory. Become that dealmaker in the room, who just sense that moment when he’s about to score the biggest deal for his firm. Become that guy who sees that “right girl” and doesn’t freeze up and tells her how he feels and she wants to be with him. Being Derek Jeter.
Other than Caffeine, “Doubt” especially the “self version” is my biggest addiction and unlike caffeine which I love, it really is debilitating. The doubt that no one will accept me for me. The doubt I can’t achieve anything. The doubt that beautiful girl I always see and want to talk to won’t give me the time of day. The doubt I am a not a disappointment. Doubt can engulf a person faster than pouring yourself with lighter fluid and lighting a match.
It’s easy to doubt and harder to believe.
I have something to prove tomorrow or this week depending on availabilities. Prove I can be ” that person” who can come through by stepping up and seizing the moment and to show “doubt” the door in order to get back on track in terms of my career by gaining something I more than deserved after months of working my butt off.
I want to show I do have “Killer Instinct” but “Killer Instinct”, my way. It’s more of a “Goober Instinct”, you might call it 🙂
-V. for Vinnie