I made it a point in my life recently to try to not be a “Fatalist” anymore. I want to no longer accept that failure is always going to be the end result for me, all the bad that has happened in my past is in the past and how my demons no longer dictate how I want to live and be happy.
One thing that’s been really hard to change is my love life or lack there of. I am pretty much as hopeless romantic, as hopeless romantic gets. If you go on Wikipedia and type “Hopeless Romantic”, a picture or a sketch of me will be on the page (damn you crowd-sourced reference websites! and the douche who posted my picture or a sketch on the Hopeless Romantic Wiki page)
I’ve had relationships in the past, that just didn’t workout and ended quickly. The last few years, I fell for a couple of ladies who I really was attracted too but my courtship of them, pretty much became a trainwreck for various reasons including my lack of confidence/looks being the main reason.
There is one person I am “Head Over Heels” for: Ms. X.
Ms. X is an amazing person, who I care about. She is the right mix of beauty, brains, and most importantly, soul for me. She’s someone who’s stronger than she thinks she really is. She inspires me to want to be more in my life.
I am not putting Ms. X on a Pedestal. She isn’t perfect, no one is. It’s not the beauty that makes me love her. It’s the beauty I see thru her flaws.
I know Ms. X does not share those feelings for me and I understand why. I just want to be there for her.
You can’t make someone love you no matter how you feel about them, that’s just how it is. I just hope she finds that person who really sees her like I see her and make her feel loved and not hurt her. I would be lying though if I said I didn’t hope she gave me a chance, one day.
To close, here is what I am looking for in a woman and here’s what I can offer
What I am looking for in a someone:
Someone I can trust. Someone strong. Someone nearly at peace with themselves. Someone better than me. Someone who knows the worst side of me and still loves me.
What I can offer someone:
I am not the guy who can make all your dreams come true. I am the guy who will give it his “all” to make them come true. I don’t have everything, but I am someone who will give my everything to you.
It’s easy to hand someone anything upfront. It’s harder to work to get that someone something, everyday.
I hope I meet you soon, my name is Vinnie. What’s yours?
-V. for Vinnie